I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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