I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
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In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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