Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
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i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
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When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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