I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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