im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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