Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize