You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
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