apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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