My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize