Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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