Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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