I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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