I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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