I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Soap is not a condiment
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
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then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
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I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize