My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize