i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
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He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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