my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize