my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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