I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize