i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize