Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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