I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
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i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
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Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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