I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
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i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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