i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
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Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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