i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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