I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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