So drunk its hurt
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
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Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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