Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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