Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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