i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shirt... Was in my pants
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize