Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
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Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
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He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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