he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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