the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
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I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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