i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
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The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
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Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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