How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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