Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize