I could make wine with my vomit
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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