At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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