High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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