I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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