Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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