Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
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I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
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i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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