I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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