I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
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The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
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I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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