I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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