I hate your face
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
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according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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