My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
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oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
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