This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize