You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
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Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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