In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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